Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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