I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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