I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
