All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
