You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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