just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
