please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
