:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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