I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A bitchslap is in order.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
