just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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