sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize