i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
