I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
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Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The power of my boobs compel you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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