Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
