She said her name was "party"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
