You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
