so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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