hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
