I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
