I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
