i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
