So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
