Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
