either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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