no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
