if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
