Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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