bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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