apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
