They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
