i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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