Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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