I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
