I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
