you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
