remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
