Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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