i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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