a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
