Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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