Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize