Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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