he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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