redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
