And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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