When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
