apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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