We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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