our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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