he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
