So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
