is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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