Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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