I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
