And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
