i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
