Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
