The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize