He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
