can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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