I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
