As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
