Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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