We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
