What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?