sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home