i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.