i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
