I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
